Relationships are great, aren’t they? They help you feel safe in your environment, make you feel supported, and most importantly, give your life the stability it requires to perform outside in the world.
That’s what relationships are: this beautiful connection built on mutual respect and love that metaphorically puts the ground under your feet. You build homes for relationships. You thrive because of them. Any success you have achieved comes because these relationships have provided a backbone to your operations.
A good relationship can definitely help your aspirations ascend. They can make you believe in the good that seems missing in the world. You become a better person because of these stable relationships.
Unless, of course, you’re in a bad one.
Unfortunately, you find out quite late that your relationship is a bad one, and by then you have utterly messed up your life and broken nurturing connections in the process.
It’s not even obvious from the start. You are told that you are loved. There are those small deeds made for your benefit that make you feel respected. They say outrageous things, then tell you that they were mad on your behalf. How dare someone say or treat you that way! In this case, it’s something really insignificant that you never paid attention to. But this person whom you trust blindly throws a spotlight on it.
Someone didn’t return a hello because they received a call at that very moment? Rude. They purposely chose the call because of malicious intent. Someone else didn’t text back to you in minutes? They’re ignoring you because they hate you.
The problem is that this relationship is built on trust, and obviously, trust from your side. It could be a partner, a family member, or a dear friend. If they’ve decided to control you, then they will go to extreme lengths just to prove their loyalty while dismissing every other relationship that can threaten their gaslighting devices.
Which is why you never see it happening from the foundational stage. You don’t see how you’re being isolated, held in captivity when they make excuses to not go our nor let you go out. You neglect your neighbors, other family members, friends, and maybe even your own pet, because they don’t fit in the mold your controller wants.
The controller, who was supposed to be the stable relationship in your life and confidant, has stripped away your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and even loving relationships, until you will do whatever it takes to appease them.
Before you know it, you’re walking on eggshells around them, not wanting to anger them. Because if they leave, then who do you have? You’ve become dependent on them without even realizing it.
So…what is the point of walking on eggshells?
It’s keeping you safe at the moment. At least that is what you will tell yourself. You’re not going to wake up one day to newfound knowledge that you are being controlled. It’s going to be gradual. Someone else will notice it before you. You will disregard them, perhaps even argue with them for it not being true.
But then it will hit you. You will be standing at a store and deciding to pick something your controller likes rather than what you do. Or you will avoid a message from your friends who want to meet up because you know your controller wouldn’t like it.
The first stirrings of fear are what will wake you up.
There is never an easy way to get out of a relationship that physically and mentally drains you. One minute they are being nice and cheerful enough for you to let their guard down. In the next second, they are hostile, making you wonder if perhaps you did something to anger them.
It’s a controlling tactic, but you won’t see it too quickly because they can be conniving. They have been manipulative for a long time and are not about to be outplayed by an amateur like you.
You’ll be walking on eggshells for a long time before you decide that the best way to save yourself is to make a run for it.
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