Who knew that a two-letter word could be so powerful and provide a boundary that sometimes people choose to ignore?
Yet, many of us rarely use it because we learned fairly early on that we must be helpful, kind, efficient, and that saying ‘No’ was a rude and negative word. Our whole life is framed by leaning towards a ‘Yes’.
A ‘Yes’ makes us appear agreeable, easy to befriend, and reliable. Sooner or later, you develop a reputation for being a “Yes” person: a tag that at first appears to be a badge of popularity. You get invited everywhere, you are called multiple times in a day, and you have people following and sending you friend requests.
Life seems so much simpler with a word. Yes.
Are you willing to work overtime with no extra pay? Yes.
Can you help me move to a new apartment? Yes.
Can you lend me some money? Yes.
Can you babysit a kid or a pet? Yes.
Can I borrow your car? Yes.
Can I borrow your personal time? Y…wait…what?
For some, the illusion breaks when someone crosses a boundary and requests you to part with something personal to you.
Sometimes it is when you ask for a favor back, and they say ‘No’.
A word you thought you would never hear. You have pushed limits to help others, give up your time, energy, and money, and all you expected was that when you need help, they would show up.
Except they just said the word that you learned was wrong. Always help others. Always be supportive.
But now, it dawns on you that while you were busy saying ‘Yes’ to others, you have been saying ‘No’ to yourself. You refused to give time to yourself. Someone wanted you to show up, but you ended up saying 'no' to yourself when you were sick or too tired.
You were low on cash, but you helped others because they said they really needed it. But again, you said 'no' to yourself, depriving yourself at every point just to help others.
You have people who love you, but it is conditional. Your availability is required at all times. Being agreeable is another thing.
Those are the Terms and Conditions you overlooked when you signed the social contract.
Because, had you read carefully, you would have noticed in the fine print that they were going to say ‘No’ whenever they wanted.
So…what is the point of saying ‘NO’?
To protect yourself. We give ourselves away too willingly. We are the best friends everyone needs, but no one wants when tables are turned.
We are the expendables…but not the action heroes everyone wants to go and watch because that would mean it’s an equal transaction, and not everyone is built for fairness.
Having boundaries and protecting yourself from burnout and exhaustion is going to give you peace, but guess what? Others will label you as selfish.
Because you were always available and are not, you are accused of numerous titles you do not deserve. You let them depend on you, and now they do not know how to function without the convenience you provided.
Should that be your problem? Are you, for once, going to pick the option that is best for you?
Are you willing to say ‘Yes’ to yourself?
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