You open up a social media app and find every single person on your timeline crying because they’re having a bad day. There are some who are venting about something unfair that occurred. Someone else is discussing in detail the various problems they are burdened with.
Within minutes, you are overwhelmed. It’s nice to know there are people out there who have problems too, but then it hits you: how awful is the world if everyone around you is going through a challenging time?
Your delusions are torn apart. Duct tape and super glue do nothing to repair the tear. The world isn’t as safe as you thought. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Life is a series of one bad day after another.
Everyone is tired just like you. Everyone is pushing themselves out of bed every morning, trying to be productive, failing miserably, and then telling anyone who wants to hear how dejected they feel.
It’s them reaching out. It’s they who are trying to find a community that understands their plight.
There are some who offer support, but it feels like pity. Then there are those, dubbed the ‘Internet Clowns,’ who think humor is effective when degradation is heavily involved.
And so, here comes the avalanche of snide comments, created to invoke a laugh from scrollers. It works.
The original author of the post sees a bunch of supportive comments and then the awful: ‘grow up’ comments. “Be real”. “Do you know how many people are dying on the other side of the world?” “Nepo kid”. “Stop whining on the internet”.
The author disengages and ignores. Trolling is common. It’s okay. Moving on to the next post.
More followers post their sympathy. More trolls. The sympathy is a comparison that looks like pity.
The pity turns into a feeling of hopelessness. Someone out there has validated your feelings, but also has indirectly reinforced the nagging idea in your mind that you will never amount to anything. That your current state will remain your permanent state. Hence the “poor you” comment.
Eventually, you stop posting. You don’t want validation after all. You don’t have the energy to absorb any more trolling. Perhaps…you shouldn’t have said anything in the first place because now you’re being judged on your life choices.
So…what is the point of pretending you are fine?
To avoid the questions, of course.
Honesty is beneficial when you are around supportive people, but that is often conditional. They want to provide interference in your life, offer advice that will turn your life around, but have yet to understand that your challenges are vastly different from their experiences.
But desperation leads to compliance, and soon enough, you’re actively following their advice, except things haven’t turned around for you. Their advice was appropriate for the experiences they had. You’ve been living a personalized experience curated by the universe to ensure you never cheat or get any help. It’s supposed to build character or something.
On one hand, you have useless advice; on the other, you have painful and insulting jabs. So, was it a good idea to tell anyone your problems?
The next time someone asks you, “How are you doing?” don’t be surprised when you reflexively answer, “I am fine. How about you?”
Don’t expect them to narrate a list of their problems either. They are fine too.
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