What's The Point Of Being A Caregiver?
When you were young, your parents were there to help you understand the world. When you were still learning to eat, they were there. They held your hand when you started to stand and were excited to walk.
They paid for all your necessities. They were there when you were scared or sad. They helped you study. They took care of you when you fell sick.
Now that you're grown up and no longer need their constant assistance, life has weighed down the scales the other way. They are the ones who need you now.
As they grow older, they become weaker and can no longer help themselves. It's even more heartbreaking when your parent is diagnosed with a life-threatening disease that consumes every bit of their energy.
They can't walk properly or feed themselves and need constant care.
If you have a lot of money, then maybe you can afford nurses who work around the clock. If you're strapped, then you may want to offer your help.
It's love that makes you offer but afterward it becomes a responsibility and duty you must fulfill, because it's not about taking care of them for one moment. It's every single day.
Being a caregiver is the most selfless thing anyone can do and perhaps even a little misunderstood title.
It is the expectations that come with it. You are supposed to be available every moment for your ailing parent. You receive support, but it's mostly about how you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of your parents.
You live in fear that at any time, your parents can leave you forever. Their time is limited, and you can see it every day as their hands shake when they lift a spoon or when there are days when they have no appetite.
Frail and helpless, your parents are scared too. They want you to hold hands with you all the while you are booking appointments, keeping track of medication, washing clothes, cooking food they will want to eat, keeping the house sanitary so they don't contract an infection, and of course, keeping an eye while they sleep so that they don't die while you are distracted.
You keep them fed, but aren't sure you had a proper meal. You watch them sleep, making sure they don't need you in the middle of the night, while you survive on inconsistent naps throughout the day.
You spend money, time, and energy on them only for the inevitable to happen. They pass away.
A small part of you is relieved to finally get a break from the routine, but a much bigger part of you is devastated.
You've lost someone you love. The guilt creeps in, too. You couldn't save them after all the effort you put into helping them survive.
They are gone, and somehow, it feels like a failure of your abilities to take care of them.
So...what is the point of becoming a caregiver?
Because you love your family. You feel it's your duty towards them. Perhaps they didn't treat you fairly or were disagreeable to your life choices, but buried inside you is a love that didn't shake off.
Or maybe you do it because you feel like you owe it to them after the effort they put into your upbringing.
Long after they are gone, a part of you is still exhausted. You're emotionally drained and can't see meaning for a while.
If not taking care of your parents, then what is your purpose? Only to see them in dreams and relive the trauma of losing them?
Being a caregiver isn't easy. Yet it is the most wonderful gesture you can do for your parents who made sacrifices for you when you were just a baby.
Love or duty, if you decide to be a caregiver, it's not only because you want to return the favor. It's about creating a moment of love and care that you will cherish for the rest of your life.
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