It's 3AM. You are up not because you accidentally had caffeine at night, but because you are certain that it is at this hour that you are going to fix your life's biggest problems.
The day version of you struggles to keep their eyes open and needs to put in as many hours as possible to work, and then ends it by finishing off household chores. You don't have time to fix a broken system, then.
But 3AM is the magical hour. The time when you achieve clarity. It is the perfect time to dissect memories and analyze them. It's almost as if you are preparing to write a thesis.
The best part of the magical hour is that you don't even have to put in the hard work to sort out your memories. Your brain comes up with the most embarrassing or aggravating memory from five years ago.
Remember the time you thought someone was talking to you, and you replied without looking up, only to hear a chuckle? Then you looked up, and it was a stranger trying to get the attention of another stranger.
It was a very public incident, and you caught the grins of several people around you. And you just had to raise your voice while replying. A whisper would have saved your reputation... from people who you were never going to see again.
Sometimes, those memories are not even embarrassing. It's that hidden part of you that is enraged. It's hiding because you are in a position where you can't vent, but you so desperately want to.
You want to tell your boss you can't work weekends just so they can enjoy a weekend. You can't tell your family they're driving you crazy with unreasonable demands that consist of you sacrificing time and money.
You had an argument with your partner and had to stay silent to de-escalate the situation.
But at 3AM, you're a different person altogether. Your unbridled anger rains down upon all those who have crossed your path during the day.
You're tossing and turning, but your mind is playing a movie on loop until you, the director, are pleased with the outcome of the scene.
"No, I'll not do the dishes!" You scream.
"You either give me a salary hike or I quit!"
"How dare you not leave me a spoonful of my favorite ice cream that I wanted after a horrible day! What is wrong with you?"
In your imagination, people are cowering. Or they are impressed by how well you articulate your feelings.
They take a solemn oath to never mistreat you again. And that's that. That's how the story ends.
You finally go to sleep only to wake up and find things are the complete opposite of what you imagined it to be.
The situation your brain conjured up at 3AM has drastically changed. You are flabbergasted as you try to come up with an argument to stand up for yourself.
There is none. You were prepared for it. In your mind, you had imagined strutting into a room, chin up, and calmly but firmly telling people they can not treat you this way.
But reality differs from your planned scenario. The room has a locked door. The person you wanted to tell off is absent.
Before you can even open your mouth, you are plied with urgent work.
Or, for some reason, a person who criticized you yesterday is somehow nice to you today.
You're thrown off your game. Now, what? Should you still talk about yesterday or move forward?
So, what is the point of the mind loop?
It's there to drive you insane. It prepares you for situations that don't pan out the way you expect them to be. It's there to keep you up for hours, reminding you of every single mistake and how it's your fault it happened.
If only you could have dusted yourself off after slipping on that banana peel instead of yelling at the lousy idiot who threw trash on the floor, only to find out your boss accidentally dropped it.
So the next time the loop begins and your brain tries to remind you that your life is embarrassing, take a deep breath. Tell your brain to shut up. Accept that you can't change a past situation. Understand you can't always control everything.
Then put on some ambient music and go to sleep.
Because let's face it, your brain isn't trying to fix your life. It's just playing a boring movie on repeat until you're exhausted by breakfast.
Amazon Pick: Mindsight 'Original Breathing Buddha' Guided Visual Meditation
Comments
Post a Comment